Maxwell Tenysled

[Dominator]

Name:: Maxwell Tenysled
Age:: 17
Gender:: Male
Residency:: District 5

Appearance:: Max has short, spikey black hair and ocean blue eyes that shine like the brightest star. He is 5' 7", weighs about 138 pounds and is very muscular. Max wears ripped jeans, sneakers and a plain T-Shirt when he is not at school even though his parents are rich. When he is at school he wears a polo shirt, nice jeans and sandals or nice sneakers.

Personality:: Max is kind of like a candy, he is hard on the outside and soft on the inside. It's hard for anybody except for his parents to get him to express his feelings. Alot of the girls at school really like him and he has alot of friends but he only tells his closest friend, Adrian what he thinks, his secrets, and who he doesn't trust. He ignores all of the girls at school because when he was 15 he went with his parents on tour and when they were in district 4 he met Brittany who he instantly fell in love with.

History:: Max has had the life, with his parents being rich and everybody obsessing over him. When he was 14 his parents built him his own mansion next to theirs so he could have some privacy. When he was 15 he went on tour with his parents and ran into Brittany when he was in district 4 and fell in love with her. Now he visits her a couple times a monthhoping that when he is 20 that he could ask her to marrie him.

Code:: [>Edited out by Wolf Tears<]

Other:: N/A

[Wolf Tears]

M'kay. So, I have a couple of issues here before I accept...

The one problem with his appearance is your focus on the eyes. I don’t know if you know what a Mary Sue is, but if you do, you’ll know what I mean when I say that you’re kind of skating on Sue territory there. Describing his other facial features would help, as would tossing in a comment along the lines of "his eyes are his best feature." (I like the description of what he wears in different situations, by the way. That’s something I always forget about when I’m writing appearances.)

Personality has two things that need fixing/clarification. First of all, the phrase “hard on the outside and soft on the inside” is a little ambiguous. How does he act that makes him hard, and what about his true feelings makes him soft? Also in his personality, you say that a lot of girls like him. Why is that? Is he really good-looking? Is it something about how he acts?

Last, a few things in his history. First of all, it’s not really realistic to have both his parents be victors; I’m okay with one, though, so if you change that it’ll be fine. Second, not every single person in the District is going to fawn over him; even the most popular person at any given school will have people who are ambivalent or don’t like them. I know you probably didn’t mean every single person ever, but that’s how it comes across, so you might want to rephrase that bit to “it feels like everyone obsesses over him” or something like that.